I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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