Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
