Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
