New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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