thus making me awesome and them whores
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think my moral compass just broke
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