My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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