I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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