I'll bet she douches with gravy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize