Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream