I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
