just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you had me at cake vodka
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!