I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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