Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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