So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
