the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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