Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
