i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We just shotgunned beers for America
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
