I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize