I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
