It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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