Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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