haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
