Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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