uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
