i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
