I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
