i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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