i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
