Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
