I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
