Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
