I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
