i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
