I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
