You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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