I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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