I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
