How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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