I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
