Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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