At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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