would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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