that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just found a bag of teeth...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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