Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
