Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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