I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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