So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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