Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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