im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
