If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
