she looked like the before picture.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
