Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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