Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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