So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
