so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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