I skipped work to stalk him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
