if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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