watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
