I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
