My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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