I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
