So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
