Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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