I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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