New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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