Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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