Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize