I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize